No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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