She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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