you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
