her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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