Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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