There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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