I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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