if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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