why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize