When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
