So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Randomize
