I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
