oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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