No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
