I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
did i walk over a car last night?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
