we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
