Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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