She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
