Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
