I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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