She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
