I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
