If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
