His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
