maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
