Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize