sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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