Is it normal to miss your booty call?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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