I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize