I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
