what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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