It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
