i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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