So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
