4 words: hood of his car
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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