Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize