Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
