Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
