TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
