Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
