Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
