I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize