I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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