I think I just saw someone hide a body.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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