Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
