You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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