I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
