I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize