I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
