i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
