woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
