Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
