I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
