I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
