I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
