we have pet lesbian snakes
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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