so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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