It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
