I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
