24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
