i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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