I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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