im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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