So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
