this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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