That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
