Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
