Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
