So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
