Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
