I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
